Brewcraft riddle

If a pig drank a quart of milk before he started, and ran a mile before he farted, and the further he runs the further he gets, how far will he get before he shits?

Answer: The farmer said he saw the pig pass with buttermilk spurting from his ass. The farmer was a mile from where the pig started and the pig passed the farmer just after he farted. It seems to me if a pig could run a mile with a punctured ass and keep his wits, he’d get five mile before he shits.

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Published in: on March 5, 2007 at 1:45 pm  Comments (20)  

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  1. I learned this lymric from my great aunt Sis. She wrote it down for me on her 70th birthday and I finally got it down pat so I could toast with it while drinking with friends. However, her version goes something like this.

    If a pig drank a quart of buttermilk before started and ran a mile before he farted, the further he runs the faster he gets, how far will he run before he sits?

    5 miles I bet you.

    Now a farmer was standing beside the road and saw the pig pass. The pig had a stream of buttermilk squirting out his ass. It was so funny that the farmer laughed all while the pig was running his first mile and a half. So it stands to reason if a pig could run a mile with a puckered ass and keep his wits, he would run 5 miles before he shits.

  2. My father recited this riddle many times when I was a child. Every time my family gets together, we try to remember ALL the verses. Several are missing from your blog. Part of the recital is
    “In order for me to win this bet, I must take you to the place where the fart was let.”
    I fany one has morew of the verses, please let me know.

    Elaine

  3. This was a poem that my grandfather used to recite to us when we were kids, his version went like this.

    If a pig drank a quart of buttermilk before he started and ran a mile before he farted, the faster he runs the furhter he gets how far can he run before he shits.
    Now in order for me to win this bet I must take you to the place where the fart was let. A farmer standing by the side of the road saw a pig pass with buttermilk shooting from his ass. Now the farmer had to laugh as the pig ran nearly a mile and a half.
    Now, if the pig is lucky and can hold his gas and run a mile with a puckered ass it seems to me if he can hold his wits he can run 5 miles before he shits.

  4. As I was coming of age, my father thought I should know the answer to this riddle, as it was given to me, very much the same except for slight variation on the end.

    “If a pig drank a quart of milk before he started, and ran a mile before he farted, and the further he runs the further he gets, how far will he get before he shits?

    Answer: The farmer said he saw the pig pass with buttermilk spurting from his ass. The farmer was a mile from where the pig started and the pig passed the farmer just after he farted. It seems to me if a pig could run a mile with a “puckered” ass and keep his wit, he’d git five miles before he shit.

  5. Cool! My great aunt sent my siblings and I a card with this poem in it. I thought she had made it up! I thought it was longer, but she had handwritten it in a greeting card. I’d also be interested if there are other verses.

  6. My father taught me this riddle when I was a child.

    Riddle: “If a pig drank a quart of buttermilk”:

    If a pig drank a quart of buttermilk before he starts, and runs a mile before he farts, and the farther he goes the faster he gets, how far will he go before he shits?

    Now in order for you to win this bet, I must take you to where the fart was let. A farmer by the roadside saw the pig pass with buttermilk shooting out of its ass; twas a mile and a half he swore to be true and the pig spewed buttermilk as he flew.

    Now if the pig is lucky and can hold his gas, and run a mile with a puckered ass, it seems to me if he keeps his wits he can run five miles before he shits.

    • Thank you so much for your response. It was almost exactly what my farther recited when we were children (i’m now 70). My Dad died in 1958 and we kids (all 5 of us) have tried to remember all or it. I think my father learned it when he was a “hobo” in the early 1930’s.

      Thanks again,
      Elaine

      • please ignore the spelling. I guess I was excited.

        Elaine

      • This was all so incredible to find the site. My grandfather, rest his soul, told me this when I was young. I have been unable to remember it until I found this site. My grandfather used “jackass”‘ instead of “pig.” But it still works and I thank you for the memory! Thanks again,
        Cindy Dutro-Wells

    • That’s the way my father told it. It would make my mom blush , giggle then she would tell him off for talking dirty in front of the kids.

  7. I think there is a verse at the beginning that says,”If the further he runs the faster he gets I’ll bet six bits he’ll run five mile before he shits.” It then goes on to say “In order to win this bet you must go to the spot where the fart was let. It was noted as he went through the pass buttermilk was spurting from his ass ……”

  8. That’s always been a favorite of mine.

    The one I’m interested in getting a hold of is called “Turpentine And A Musical Mule” (named Horace).

    I believe the setting on this is the early 1900’s in The countryside of England or Scotland or wherever it used to be popular to go after foxes. Thanks

  9. Hey, I found the mule joke. Google “Horace the Mule”
    It’s worth reading and passing to your kids.

  10. My grandpa used to riddle me this. I only heard the answer three times, and he asked the question more. He work in the CCC camps planting trees during the depression and learned the riddle from a man there. The last time he gave me the answer he was 79 and I was 25. I asked him to write it down, and declined against mine and my grandma’s wishes. My grandmother and I thought it would be nice for others to memorize, but I think my grandpa thought it was too soon. He died at 80 in 2001. I’ve trying to find this since then.

    Thank you every for posting. There’s enough here for me to piece together the version i heard. This means a lot to me, and it’s nice to see we’ve all had this pasted to us from people we love.

    Thanks again.

    • Sorry about the typos. I wrote the post from my phone.

  11. Thank you so much for these entries!!!! My Dad used to have me laughing my butt off at this around a campfire. Like others..when I asked him to slow down and teach me the riddle..he used to say “Naw”..I remembered some of it myself but you all have fixed the missing parts!
    Happy New Year…yes..I will pass this down!

  12. I’m glad there are so many other people with Dads as awesome as mine was. My father did actually write down this riddle I just haven’t gotten a copy of it yet. . . His version ended with the pig running five miles, also!

    • I am so excited to have found this! My family are the only people I’ve ever known to know this riddle, so I’m very pleased we really aren’t the only ones. LOL. My uncle who is now deceased and my Daddy who is 92 and has dementia, were always reciting this little ditty for us when we were kids. My Momma would say, “that’s so nasty, why are ya’ll teaching that to my kids?” LOL I loved it! Today is Fathers Day and I printed this for my Daddy. He laughed and laughed. 🙂 🙂 🙂

  13. How far did he go before he quit?

  14. If a pig drank a quart of milk before he started and he ran a mile before he farted and the further he ran the faster he’d get, how far would he run before he shit?

    The farmer laughed to see a pig run pass with buttermilk spurting from his ass. If he’d been smart and had his wit he could have tbrun nine miles before he shit. And if he’d been bold and held his gas, he could have run ten miles with a puckered ass.


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